throwback

… july 28, 2005…
i’ve just woken up and at once realized that i had seen my abominable future in the depths of my dreams; i will die poor and alone. i asked internally, ‘is it really my fault that i’m grotesque and twisted?’. the path that stretches in front of my feet, is one that leads to certain destruction, a certain dystophia full of bad odor, and mechanical laughter…….

fuck it, i wanna go back to last saturday, where it all seemed so warm and lovely…. i would’ve died a very peaceful death, had i closed my eyes and never woken up that night; i had the most enlightening day of my -despite that day- uneventful life.

love?try to be loved reciprocally?fail miserably or succeed?..live happilly ever after…. or die alone in the bathroom of a public hospital……