suspended in space, spinning…

one night, i looked up to the sky and realized, that the earth is suspended in space, spinning.

true, gravity makes sense; it’s the only scientifical explanation, that explains why i’m still sitting here in front of the computer, both feet on the ground. as we get older, we start to think that life is nothing but ordinary, although in reality, life is anything but.. commonplace.

daily life and continuous cerebral input of the same thing happening over and over again; people walking, communicating, building spaceshuttles, eating, fucking, baking cake,deceiving,buying lasagna,spreading hate,shitting on shoes, designing colorful mousepads, etc have made us draw lines of norms, of what is ordinary, of das sein, of das sollen, of what is, and what should, of what has been, and what is expected to come.

imagine if you see me fly across jalan jenderal sudirman, butt-naked wearing soccer socks -with manicured nails-, throwing chunks of shit at building windows, or pissing on top of transjakarta buses while dancing samba and spinning a hoola hoop on my dick … you would probably think that that is somehow ‘out of the ordinary’, wouldn’t you? now imagine seeing the same scene through the eyes of a newborn child…

for a newborn, seeing me fly across our capital’s main road, butt naked wearing soccer socks while throwing chunks of shit at building windows and pissing on top of transjakarta’s yellow tops while dancing samba and spinning a hoola hoop on my dick… is just as amazing as seeing his/her parents’ speak, or whistle, or stab the gardener..a newborn is full of wonder; to him/her, life -the world- is something mysterious and wonderful. he/she is like a blank cd waiting to be burned with wedding pictures or pornographical videos.

"to be a good philosopher, all you need is the faculty of wonder".. seeing me suspended in air butt-naked wearing only soccer socks should be impossible shouldn’t it?

one night, i looked up at the black sky, and noticed, that the earth is suspended in space, spinning.

the wall

all the metaphors in the world cannot disguise the anguish and the seemingly infinite sadness that one feels when one is certain that there is a dead-end wall at the end of a premeditated journey, a journey that was initially planned and hoped for, as an exit door for all the melancholy and bitterness that haunts our inner consciousness.

when we acknowledge the towering cul de sac at the end of our ‘tunnels’, we become humbled, and thoughts of pitch black visuals and non-functioning lungs begin to appear before our eyes… the questions that we ask and the remarks that we will make when ‘the wall’ approaches us, will vary anywhere from ‘ooo…shit!’, to ‘no, not now!’…to -if we’re lucky enough-: ‘crash into me, wall, destroy me to oblivion with all your might and force, break my core, make me bleed… you are unavoidable, but so was she…’

‘i’ve crashed into her, and till this day, the literal end of my road, never once have i regretted the journey that i’ve travelled…so go ahead, wall, i have no remorse’.

throwback

… july 28, 2005…
i’ve just woken up and at once realized that i had seen my abominable future in the depths of my dreams; i will die poor and alone. i asked internally, ‘is it really my fault that i’m grotesque and twisted?’. the path that stretches in front of my feet, is one that leads to certain destruction, a certain dystophia full of bad odor, and mechanical laughter…….

fuck it, i wanna go back to last saturday, where it all seemed so warm and lovely…. i would’ve died a very peaceful death, had i closed my eyes and never woken up that night; i had the most enlightening day of my -despite that day- uneventful life.

love?try to be loved reciprocally?fail miserably or succeed?..live happilly ever after…. or die alone in the bathroom of a public hospital……